


All I Gave You Is Gone

by ProPinkist



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Manga Spoilers, akayona gift exchange, and Mizari deserved a better death so here we are, help I love the Xing crew so much, they all deserved better I am so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 11:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13145532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: Mizari had always thought that what they had created could never be destroyed. But after losing so much, the least fate can do is allow him to stay by her side forever, can't it?





	All I Gave You Is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Dynasty" by Miia.
> 
> Written for the Akatsuki no Yona 2017 gift exchange/secret santa on tumblr. The Xing arc is one of my favorite arcs now in the manga, and its characters hit me right in the feels - Mizari was the most unexpected, since I didn't like him at first. But I felt like his end was underwhelming and unsatisfying for how much buildup he got, so I wanted to make it at least a little bit better (aka: more angsty). All of them deserved happiness. < / 3

She was like an angel, was all he could think.

Mizari fought on, racing and slashing and killing mindlessly as he had been, but with his gaze now turned to Kouren since she had joined the fray herself. He was unable to take his eyes off her, watching as she danced on the battlefield, blood flying and her enemies screaming under the wrath of her fury. It was a sight he had never been able to witness before, not _truly_ , and it was the most beautiful spectacle he had ever seen in his life.

His Lady, his Princess, his _goddess_ , was so strong. She had been tormented, and terrified, and humiliated, and abandoned, _(just like he had)_ and yet she always got up, always kept going, always moved forward, never allowed her enemies to get away without punishment, never _gave in_. Mizari had been surprised to hear that the king of Kouka had offered some sort of peace arrangement, and so even more surprised that Kouren had accepted it, and put aside her desire for vengeance so easily after so long. He had wanted to help her see her mission through in any way possible, because granting her desires was his purpose, his sole use… and didn’t she deserve this, this catharsis, this closure? ……But they weren’t strong enough for a war against Kouka, and she must have finally realized this _~~(and he had an inkling of what it was that had made her realize, his blood boiling at the thought)~~_. So if this was her new will, he would follow it without hesitation. As long as Kouka was indeed no longer their, her, enemy, he would accept.

But the minute Kouka went back on its word and betrayed her trust, stomped all over her dignity _again_ , and attacked them, that king, that princess, or those dragons (or _all_ of them) were **_dead_**.

Even still, now, though, his Princess wasn’t left alone; even with peace on the horizon, she was _still_ being attacked, still being insulted, still beaten down mercilessly. Those priests in black had appeared out of nowhere and none of them had seen it coming, not even Tao’s side, and they were stripping what little had remained of their bond, their family, their _dynasty_ from the inside, breaking it down until there was nothing left, as if Kouren deserved it, as if she _deserved_ death, _deserved_ losing everyone left who was important to her, deserved _so much pain and heartache after everything she had ever been through—_

_Lady Kouren has never done anything wrong; she’s only ever had people turn their backs on her when she needed them most! She has only ever suffered; **WHY MUST SHE CONTINUE TO SUFFER?!**_

Those damn monsters of Kouka. If they had had them on their side, they _could_ have beaten the other country like it was nothing. They could have destroyed these idiots in black sooner and easier, before his Lady became so injured, and Yotaka, and himself, and—

Mizari’s eyes blurred as he struck down someone else. Must have been from how lightheaded he felt.

_They killed Neguro._

_They killed him._

_They hurt him a million times over._

_They took away someone Lady Kouren cared about._

_Why did you just stand there and take the pain? I thought you were still alive when I came near… how could you have the strength to stay standing, and yet not the strength to live?_

_That… doesn’t make sense… you were so strong… You were so loyal to our Lady, and she was so fond of you… how could you let all of that be lost?_

_How could they take that away from you, from us?_

**_How could they take you away from us?_ **

He remembered how it felt, holding Neguro’s hand at the end. It was the only time the older man had ever allowed him to hold his hand; he had always been on the receiving end of it instead before, on his face or his back.

It had been cold, and shaking. And then it had squeezed his own hand faintly, and then suddenly and forcefully pulled him out of the way, just before a final arrow had been shot.

And then, he had fallen, not unlike an unyielding mountain suddenly and without warning crashing to the ground with an impact so resounding that one never forgot it.

Mizari certainly never would forget the image of the arrow piercing Neguro’s throat for what would be all of eternity.

_They killed him._

_They killed Neguro._

_Why didn’t White and Green help us instead of_ them _? So we all could have been safe?_

_Why did Vold and Argila abandon us? Abandon Lady Kouren? Abandon Neguro?_

_They killed him._

**They** _killed him._

_You were supposed to keep yelling at me whenever I wanted to train with you. Yell at me for everything else I did that you hated, just like they all do. I wanted you to keep doing that to me._

_But you can’t. Because you’re dead. How can you be dead? How could that ever happen… to **you**?_

_Why… Why did no one help?_

_Instead, **they killed you.** TheykilledyoutheykilledyouTHEYKILLEDYOUTHEYKILLEDYOU **THEYKILLEDYOUTHEYKILLEDYOUTHEYKILLEDYOU T H E Y K I L L E D N E G U R O—**_

Mizari fought on wildly, hardly able to think, freezing cold (despite how much his blood _boiled_ ), watching Kouren appear noticeably slower in the distance, watching Yotaka stumble and grimace in pain out of the corner of his eye.

He hated them. He hated _all the ones who hurt them._

If they had found the monsters of Kouka first, they could have destroyed that country. Could have protected themselves. Or if nothing else, if he had been able to get their powers from them now, he could have protected themselves _himself_. Could have granted Lady Kouren’s wish, once they were no longer so pathetically weak.

They were strong, he had always believed. They were all unshakable, unbreakable.

But then it all fell apart.

Tao abandoned her sister, and Vold and Argila went with her. They didn’t understand his Lady’s pain, her loneliness, her longing for revenge and to keep them safe. They didn’t care enough to keep Neguro from dying, to keep Yotaka from being on the brink of death, to keep himself, and his Princess, from being hurt.

Mizari hated them for it.

_(and yet he used to love them. He loved them all, even if he was smart enough to know that none of them really cared for him. But that was okay. As long as he had had them, he was happy……)_

None of that really mattered anymore, though, he supposed. Neguro was dead, the monsters were unconscious and useless to them and didn’t care about helping them anyway _(and yet, they had freed him from his cell, hadn’t they? Why had they done that if they didn’t want to help fight for them?! Did they feel pity for him and want to help him, after everything he had given to them? But they still didn’t care enough to go with him! It was all so infuriating and confusing!!!)_ , the freak priests had turned against them, and Vold and Argila hadn’t given a damn about them until now, finally deciding to fight with them, after so much had been lost. As if they hadn’t abandoned them in the first place, as if they weren’t on the anti-war side like these wretched priests were and didn’t agree with any of their ideals. As if everything could go back to normal now after this battle was won.

But it couldn’t. Nothing would ever be the same again.

It was all in the past now, though; couldn’t be changed. All Mizari could do was fight on; for her, for Yotaka, and for Neguro.

For what they had once had.

He would fight for her: his princess, his lady, his goddess, who was so beautiful to his hazy eyes even when she was on the verge of collapse. From the very moment he had first seen her, when she had fought off bandits trying to kill him that day when he lay in the street in a ghost town, half-dead and weak and starving and with no memories except vague ones of _pain_ and being called a _freak (even Neguro had never hit him as hard as who must have been his parents had, and not nearly as often. He would give anything to have that all back…),_ Mizari had thought she was beautiful. So beautiful, so angelic, so strong. So weak at times, too, and yet still, so strong. Gobi had tried to cut her down earlier, but even that wasn’t enough to stop her: she would go on, even while so injured, until there was nothing left standing in her path.

He loved her. All he needed anymore was to fight by her side, and serve her. Kill all her enemies, always, just as he had told her; lead her to Kouka’s king, if that was what she desired.

_Always by your side, my Lady. Even if you don’t look back, all I want is to be your sword._

_I’ve dreamed of this day, when I could finally truly be of use to you, to everyone._

_I may be a freak, but that didn’t keep you from accepting me into your home, as one of your warriors; letting me live. So I don’t need acknowledgement or appreciation; everything I need is this._

_I will kill anyone who opposes you. I will let you fulfill what makes you happiest. So that we can continue to live, no matter how different things may be, and I can continue to serve you; today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day…_

_…Always, Lady Kouren._

_…always…_

_……Forever…. I will…._

Mizari felt himself falling.

_…………..What?_

Suddenly, the ground was there. He felt cold. It was hard to breathe. His chest hurt. His mind was cloudy.

_……No… Why… This was my dream… Why is it being taken away from me so soon?_

_That’s not…_

“MIZARI!”

_……fair…_

**_“MIZARI!!!!”_ **

Somehow, he managed to open his eyes. He could see Yotaka in the distance, lying on the ground as well, screaming his name. He looked like he was trying to crawl to him, but didn’t have the strength to.

_…Why does he sound… so desperate……?_

_(His eyes burned as he remembered Yotaka’s first-ever praise for him a little while ago)_

Suddenly, someone was there, cradling him.

“Mizari!”

It was Argila.

“Mizari, _Mizari!!_ Hey, stay with me Mizari! Just hang on, _please!”_

He felt wetness on his face.

“…I…”

Mizari heaved, spasming and shaking as he reached up and grabbed Argila’s shirt.

_I don’t want to die._

“…H-Help… I-I’m scared… I don’t want to die! P-Please help me… _”_

_Why are you crying over me? I thought you didn’t like me! It’s not fair; why are you only here_ now _?! I hate you, **I hate you!!**_

Gasping out sobs, his faint breaths shuddering, tears poured from his eyes as he clung to Argila with all the strength he could muster, the anger and sadness and grief and rage and **_terror_** overwhelming him beyond belief.

“……I’m s-s-scared… h-help… Lady Kouren… p-please…”

“I’m right here, Mizari… I-I’m right here.” He could faintly hear Argila’s voice crack as the other boy _(he wasn’t much older than himself, was he? Always making a foolish fuss about cats… but maybe there was more to him that he had never noticed before)_ pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him and holding his head gently.

“…I’m s-so sorry, M-Mizari… I’m so sorry for letting this _happen!_ ”

He could still hear Yotaka screaming his name, far, far away. Could almost imagine his tearful face to match how despairing his screams sounded.

_“Mizari!!_ P-Please don’t leave us t-too; I-I’m so s-sorry!”

A new voice. It was Tao. Mizari could hear her childish, crying tone.

He didn’t even have the words to put to his feelings anymore _(though, he never had, had he? That’s was why he was known as a freak, why no one could ever understand him)._ All he could think of was how he had raised a dagger over the unknowing body of who he had thought to be Princess Tao just a few days earlier.

_(“too”? Did that mean they knew about Neguro; were they upset about him too?)_

Something inside of him broke.

“……I-I-It’s not _fair!”_ Mizari bawled, wailed, his body thrashing weakly as he held Argila, his voice somehow still working, even as he could barely draw breath anymore. “I w-want… Z-Zeno… I-I-I want your power; I w-w-want more time, it’s _not fair, I want more time! L-L-Lady K-Kouren… I want to keep watching y-you!_ I want… t-to… be… useful! I want…… more time… Lady Kouren… anyone… someone h-help, I’m _scared! I’m scared! Idon’twanttodieIdon’twanttodieIdon’twanttodie I-I… want…….. to **l-live—**_!”

People were still calling his name, both near and far. He opened his eyes barely to see the blur of his Princess in the distance, still fighting and still not down.

_Neguro… I’m sorry… I wasn’t able to completely avenge you… I’m sorry I failed Lady Kouren, too…… I’m sorry your attempt to save me back there was in vain. …….I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for everything…… everything……_

_……Please don’t hate me…_

Mizari’s eyes were closed, but he could make out the faint voices of Argila telling him he did well, of Tao thanking him, of both of them apologizing.

“………You’re…… a-all… s-so… so c-cruel… it’s… n-not… fair……”

_I tried so hard… I loved you all… Why did I never know you would miss me?_

He heard Argila and Tao let out more sobs at his words. Mizari cried with them, like a child, endlessly.

Just before he slipped under, he felt new arms holding him, lips on his forehead, and a new voice.

“Rest easy, lad; you did well; everyone will be fine. The dragon gods will watch over you… I’m sorry I could not give you more time. …But you did well. You did wonderfully.”

Tears were still pouring from his eyes, but at this, Mizari managed to smile, even if just a little.

“………..Ze…no……”

_…Wonderfully?_

_I guess… if everyone says I was useful, even one of the ones I hurt so much… that is enough._

_Thank you for saving me… Lady Kouren… I can’t do anything more for you; I’ve given you all of me. It made me… so happy, to do so… so happy…_

_I’m scared… and sad… but also so happy… thank you…_

The last thing in Mizari’s mind was the image of a sunny day in the past at Kyuu Castle, where they had fought and played together, surrounded by cats, with his Princess and her sister watching fondly from nearby.

_Everyone… Please think of me, once in a while?_

 

* * *

 

When he awoke, he was in Neguro’s arms.


End file.
